There is a problem I invented (I invent all my own problems) called the Wallet Problem.
In the Wallet Problem, I have a limited number of dollars and I need them for something. Maybe bills, or a rental car I’m getting the next day, or a down payment on an animatronic seagull.
But as I walk around with my wallet I’ll see things like a bag of Valentine’s Day candy, and I’ll be so overcome with want for them that I’ll lose all rational thought. Who needs a rental car when I have a perfectly good bicycle? Who needs to pay bills? Who needs an animatronic seagull, especially such an expensive one? What I really need is this Valentine’s Day candy.
The Wallet Problem is the realization that if I leave my wallet at home, I won’t be able to buy things I don’t need, no matter how blindly I want them. Even if in that moment I would do anything for a bag of hearts that taste like little hardened blobs of toothpaste, I have no way to buy it.
The Wallet Problem operates on the assumption that there are certain times where I have perfect clarity and understanding, and there are other times when I’m near Necco conversation hearts, and can’t be trusted.
A dog is another example of the Wallet Problem. Before we had the dog (by the way, I love him) I didn’t want to stay out late, but then sometimes I’d be out and people would suggest going to a midnight movie with George Clooney in it, or a bar where it’s always Christmas, and I would forget the thing I wanted earlier. Who cares about sleep when you’ve just heard about a bar where it’s always Christmas? But now we have the dog (I love him) and we have to go home. He needs to see us, and we need to pet him and tell him how good a dog he is (so good). We’ve built a trap that pulls us back to the thing we knew we wanted.
(Obviously we’re not going to movies or holiday bars or anywhere lately, but you get the idea.)
Alarm clocks are the Wallet Problem. When you’re looking for the off button and thinking who turned on this sound, who would do this to me: it was you in the past, when you knew you wanted to be awake right now.
But recently I’ve noticed an issue with the Wallet Problem.
It’s not the fact that it’s not an actual math problem, or that I don’t really understand actually math problems. It’s not the fact that you can pay for a lot of things with your phone.
The issue is, the Wallet Problem assumes that during quiet moments I know exactly what I want, and I need to protect myself from what I’ll only think I want later. But I’m starting to wonder if I really know what I want in those quiet moments. Maybe in the quiet moments I don’t have all the information I need. What if I only really achieve true clarity when I’m near Valentine’s Day candy? What does that Christmas bar look like? I think this morning I might have been one dream away from the best dream I’ve ever had.
Maybe it’s better to just bring the wallet and see where things take you.
News:
Last week I was on (via Zoom) a Milwaukee tv show called The Morning Blend. The host Molly is delightful and I love her, I wish I could talk to Molly every day.
January is almost over, but time is a construct so if you’d like a personalized planner with some drawings, a note, and a birthday message in it, you can order one here from White Whale. At checkout you should be able to add a note to tell me when your birthday is. I’ll be signing a batch of books for them later this week, so if you want a personalized other book now’s a good time for that too.
Necco conversation hearts are supposed to be back this year, and they’re supposed to be the good, non-flavored kind. Here’s an essay about them, but I know the author and I are the only ones who like conversation hearts so I understand if you don’t want to read it.
I have thought about doing that alarm thing where you put it across the room so you have to get up to turn it off. But I can’t bring myself to do it. It would probably improve my life in the long run, but that moment first thing in the morning, getting up at the time I chose for myself, seems too terrible.
I read the conversation hearts article and I don’t know where I’ve been, but... they replaced the banana conversation hearts? Those and the orange were my favorites. I also liked Necco wafers, especially the grayish chocolate ones.