When we got our dog Kip I enrolled him in a dog manners course and he passed with flying colors.
So, he’s super polite. But there are still a few specific things we’d like him to learn - they’re so specific that I hired a dog trainer that comes to your house.
Two trainers showed up:
He actually totally ignored the lead trainer, which was impressive because light dog therapy is pretty hard to ignore.
First, the lead trainer put a pillow on the floor, set one of our kitchen chairs on it, and placed a dog treat on top. “And now Mohm will stand here,” he said loudly, gesturing to an area behind the chair. But Mohm didn’t even look up from his phone. The lead trainer and I both looked at the empty space on the carpet until lead trainer said, sort of nervously - “Um, could you stand there?” So I did.
This kept happening.
“Mohm, do you have a leash?” No answer, no acknowledgement at all. I had a leash and I got it out for him.
When he asked Mohm to give our dog a treat, Mohm not only ignored him - he got up and left the room. (Where was he even going - it was my house? Where did I find these trainers?)
The trainer was saying MOM this entire time. Mom, as in me. He considered my relationship to this decently-trained sixteen-pound terrier to be maternal parent.
There were only a few minutes left in the two-hour training session, and it was the first time the thought had crossed my mind.
“You’ve got some great books in here” said not-Mohm, walking into the living room waving a Murakami novel.
People call me all kinds of things. The nursing staff at my doctor’s office call me Baby. I’m Sport, Super Sleuth, Buddy, Hey There. I respond to Valued Customer.
When the driver called me that word (and the nearby crossing guard screamed) I instantly knew he was talking to me. You can call me whatever you want. You can even call me late to dinner, I probably don’t like the food you made anyway. But if you call me mom, I won’t answer. I’m just not your mom, that’s all.
Whenever this dog mom thing happens (and it happens enough that I shouldn’t have assumed a man was named a name I’d never heard of) I want to say “Oh I’m not actually his mom, this is my uncle.” But the setup is never quite right.
So I always go along with it, and pretend I’m his mom for a minute.
Do you feel like your pet’s parent? I know some people do, and I do think it’s nice, I just think those people have a different relationship with their pets than Kip and I do. Sometimes when Kip moves in his sleep I like imagining that he’s dreaming about his mom. He’s probably dreaming killing a rat though.
This week I’m reading The Guest, and in the last couple weeks I read This Woman’s Work, which I really loved, and Days at the Morisaki Bookshop. I started reading Natural Beauty, but the parents die and I got too sad.
No one asked, but here’s a photo of Kip graduating his manners class. I’m a proud niece.
I just want a shirt that says "ice cubes" on it.
That trainer should have just asked for and called you hy your name and perhaps have explained what was going to happen and how you'd be involved. I too would have been lost and confused! What was the point of the secondary trainer?
I call my dog my dogter. Mostly bc I think its clever and funny.